Melancholie unter Palmen

Jahresabschlussparty bei der Autorengruppe: awesome.

Nachdem zwei meiner Angebote zu einem Date innerhalb einer Woche abgelehnt wurden, habe ich momentan wieder eine stärkere Lydia-Phase. Es macht mich so traurig, aber es ist spannend, mir selbst dabei zuzusehen, wie ich mich aufraffen muss, das Beste daraus zu machen. Am Liebsten würde ich gerade aber einfach den Kopf in den Sand stecken. Es tut weh, und das wird es immer tun.

Diese Geschichte ist erstunken und erlogen. Es erschreckt mich aber, wie ich mich wirklich sehen kann, dass ich so etwas mal mache. In meiner Suche nach Lebenserfahrungen bin ich ein wenig nihilistisch geworden.

Part of why I came to Los Angeles from the other side of the globe was adventure - I'm young, and wild, and free, and I want to experience new things and learn new lessons about life and the world.

And one thing I did the other day was that I had sex with a prostitute. For the first time of my life. You know, I'm really not the kind of guy that fits into the usual prostitution customer profile, and to be honest it involved quite the inner struggle with myself. But ultimately, my curiosity got the better of me.

Now, I don't have a problem with the institution itself. I think it's totally okay to sell yourself, your soul, your body for money. I think it's fair, you - I'm a plasma donor, so I donate blood in exchange for money, and I have no problem prostituting myself like that. You know, if I were a woman, I think I'd love to be a professional escort - to me, it sounds like a spicy job.

Anyway, so I googled which streets I should drive along at night, I drove around the block a couple of times, and then this woman is standing on the sidewalk, looking expectantly, I pull over, and sure enough she introduces herself to me as Natasha.

You know, I've never done this before, and to be honest, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. Like, how do you negotiate with a prostitute, or, what exactly do you do with a prostitute? How can you have sex without kissing and foreplay - and where do you have sex? At my place? How am I going to explain that to my flat mates? And afterwards, do I drive her back to the street she was waiting on?

Picking up a prostitute is just so outside of my realm of experiences. I mean, look at me: I'm white, I'm reasonably handsome, I'm well educated, and I'm not even really sexually frustrated enough to be desperate for sex or anything. But I like to challenge myself, and you know, on TV they said you should face challenges outside of your comfort zone - and having sex with a prostitute was definitely outside of my comfort zone!

What helps is that I'm pretty broken-hearted, and I don't really feel all that much. For me, this undertaking was like "pff", whatever, I should try it so that I know what it's like. It's like bungee jumping, except with a social stigma. But as long as I don't tell my future girl friends, it's fine - I can live with it. I'm not gonna have a bad conscience or anything.

I guess what concerned me the most are the health risks. I don't sleep around that much, but I'm sure prostitutes do, and so I was really relieved that Natasha showed me the certificate right then in the car.

The sex itself, it was at my place at home, it was pretty "meh". Pretty perfunctory. Not easy actually, because it wasn't exactly stimulating. She looked good - not my type really, but like... you know, hehe.

But it was definitely really awkward. I tried being real polite about it. I asked her about the rules while we were still in the car - can I kiss her when I'm in her, what do I do if I can't get an erection, and is it okay if I use a condom? I think I was being really respectful, but she didn't really care about that all too much, honestly speaking. She was pretty "meh" about all that intimate stuff and didn't really care for my politeness - which I thought was a little rude. But it's okay.

What was really important to me was that she'd give me feedback on what I can do better. She's in that rare position to not have to care about hurting my feelings, and so she did. But I'm always open to feedback, and so I hope that through my encounter with Natasha, I'll be a better lover for other women.

She called an Uber and left. I felt a little dirty afterwards - after all, I'd just gone down a path many people I don't really want to be compared with have trod before.

At the same time, I believe I can now better understand a process that's just part of our society, even though we'd rather look away from that. And you know what? It took guts stepping outside of my comfort zone like that, and so I'm kind of proud for having slept with a prostitute. I can only recommend it to you all: If self improvement is as important to you as it is to me, go ahead and try out a prostitute. It's a great way to learn more about the world - and yourself.

Der Abend wurde sinnlos verplempert: nicht awesome. Damit sind es jetzt schon 2 schwarze Tage. Es ist okay, die Auszeit war fein - aber nicht produktiv, und darum ging es mir eigentlich.